WANT SOME FUCKING HEAVENLY GOODNESS IN YOUR MOUTH? WELL PREPARE FOR THE ANGELIC FOOD OF A LIFETIME BECAUSE YOU’RE ABOUT TO MAKE A CHOCOLATE ECLAIR DESERT, FUCKER.
START OFF BY GALLOPING YOUR NOBLE STEED ALL THE WAY DOWN TO YOUR LOCAL GROCERY STORE (OR ACROSS THE COUNTRY, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK) TO PICK UP A BOX OF HONEY GRAHAM CRACKERS, TWO PACKAGES OF INSTANT VANILLA PUDDING (BECAUSE ONE ISN’T ENOUGH FOR A HARDCORE METAL FUCKER LIKE YOU), THREE CUPS OF MILK, EIGHT OUNCES OF COOL WHIP, AND A CONTAINER OF CHOCOLATE FROSTING. IF YOU WANT, GO FOR THE GOLD AND GET SOME FUCKING GOURMET CHOCOLATE ICING WITH SPRINKLES OR SOME SHIT, IT DOESN’T REALLY MATTER.
ONCE YOU GET BACK HOME FROM YOUR FUCKING ODYSSEY, MAKE THAT PUDDING FOLLOWING THE FUCKING DIRECTIONS ON THE LABEL TO A T, YOU DON’T WANT TO MESS UP THIS SHIT. TRUST THE BOX. PUT YOUR FAITH IN THE BOX. YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO CARRY THE BURDEN OF REMEMBERING A RECIPE, BUT THAT BOX SURE AS HELL CAN CARRY YOU ON, MY WAYWARD SON.
POUR THAT PUDDING OF CREAMY DREAMS INTO A BOWL WITH THE MILK AND MAKE THAT COOL WHIP YOUR FOLLOWER FOR LIFE BY FOLDING IT INTO YOUR MIXTURE.
STEAL A GLASS PAN FROM YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD ASSHOLE AND THROW A LAYER OF GRAHAM CRACKERS ONTO THE BOTTOM LIKE THE CLASSY METAL ROCKSTAR YOU ARE.
SLIDE IN HALF OF THAT MOTHERFUCKING PUDDING MIXTURE YOU MADE EARLIER, AND REPEAT THAT LAYERING OF GRAHAM CRACKERS AND PUDDING ONE MORE TIME.
PUNCH ANOTHER LAYER OF GRAHAM CRACKERS ON TOP OF THAT BECAUSE YOU’RE NO LAZY ASS. IF SOMEHOW YOU MISREAD THESE FUCKING DIRECTIONS, IT’S NO BIG DEAL, BECAUSE THIS CAKE IS SO FUCKING SMART THAT IT’LL ACCOMMODATE YOUR LAYERING MISTAKES. IT’S PRACTICALLY A ROCKET SCIENTIST.
JESUS FUCK I BET THIS FOOD IS SMARTER THAN YOU!
PITCH THAT MOTHERFUCKING CHOCOLATE FROSTING IN THE MICROWAVE FOR THIRTY SECONDS UNTIL IT’S HOTTER THAN THE RAGE EXPLODING OUT OF THE CHUNK OF DESTIEL FANDOM WHO CAN’T SEEM TO FUCKING REALIZE THAT THEIR OTP IS PRACTICALLY CANON ALREADY, AND THERE’S NO GODDAMN WAY THE WRITERS ARE DUMB ENOUGH TO MAKE MERLIN’S MISTAKE!
CALM THE FUCK DOWN, YOU STILL HAVE ANOTHER SEASON AND A HALF, JESUS CHRIST
MAKE SURE YOU STIR IT SO THAT IT MELTS ALL THE WAY THROUGH MOTHERFUCKER.
POUR THAT SHIT ALL OVER THE TOP OF YOUR GRAHAM CRACKER LAYER AND SPREAD IT AROUND SO THAT IT’S FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE TO SEE ANYTHING BUT CHOCOLATE DELICIOUSNESS. IF YOU DESIRE SOME SPRINKLES, NOW’S THE TIME TO PUT THOSE DUMMIES ON THE CAKE.
AGGRESSIVELY CLEAR OUT YOUR REFRIGERATOR TO MAKE ROOM FOR THIS ROYAL MASTERPIECE AND KEEP THAT SHIT IN THERE FOR AT LEAST TWO HOURS SO THAT IT BECOMES HALF AS HARDCORE AS YOU ARE.
HAVE SOME MOTHERFUCKING ECLAIR DESSERT LIKE FUCK YES!
